Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
