I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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