last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
