I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
