Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
