my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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