guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
