still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
