i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
