It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
