Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
