We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
