Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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