And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
