Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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