DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
