operation harelip BJ is a go
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
