You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
