Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
