he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
