finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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