I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize