Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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