And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
