the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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