Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
