what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
