you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize