Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
