I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
