Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
