I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
is it fun? or sober?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize