My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I will pee on everything he values.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
