I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
