Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
