Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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