WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
