and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
