How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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