He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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