I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
where are you?
Hypothermia
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize