so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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