i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
