waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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