Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize