The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
