shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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