So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
