you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
