if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
