Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
