Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
