You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
