My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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