Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
