the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
