Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
