i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Operation Purity has been aborted
No subtext here. People are naked.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
