So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
