Tell her she can't have a vagina
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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