So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize