I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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