He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
