Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is that strawberry winking at me??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
