I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Still dying that you shit outside
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
