Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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