this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
