Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
