Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
