Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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