So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
