She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
