u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
