So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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