what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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